I cand brede.

Fucking ragweed.  But the nurse was oh so sympathetic as she listened to me rasp.  Saline nose spray, she tells me.  Riiiiiiiiiight.  Can’t take anything until I can see my doc on Friday.  I’ll be astonished if I don’t have a sinus infection by then.  I can’t sleep and can’t breathe and I am armed only with a decongestant, which at normal doses is failing miserably to provide any relief.  The folks on the OB side won’t give me the ok to take anything else...they check back with my doc.  I’m really angry at him right now.  Maybe I’m more angry at myself, for not demanding that he actually give me more than a minute and a half of his time the last time I went in and waited an hour to see him.  Hell, I’m crying right now, which doesn’t help.  I’m just so fucking tired.  I feel like hammered horsecrap.

If I wasn’t pregnant, I could just take a damned antihistimine and go to sleep.  Jesus.

I am terrified I’ll go into labor on 2 1/2 hours sleep.  I really, really want to sleep one more night before the next few months get started.  I’m so not ready to stop sleeping now.  Especially if all I get for it is a nasty headache rather than a baby.

I know, I know...whine, whine, whine.  But I can feel my pulse in my face, and it’s an unpleasant sensation.  I don’t know how the human race survived without cold pills, I really don’t.

Sigh.

Anyway, we had three appointments in a row this morning...NST, midwife, U/S...and Sadie wasn’t really having any of it.  She was fine for the u/s, but the NST...’twas like the three bears.  First run, she’s not active enough.  Second run, she’s too active.  But on the third try, she got it juuuuuuust right.  This after having deprived the poor gal running the thing of her lunch hour.  We got there at 0930 and didn’t leave until just after 1300.  Thank God they didn’t just send us over to the hospital for this...that would have been a serious PITA. 

On the bright side, the gal who does the u/s, who is one of the most wonderful amazing extraordinary and sweet people it’s been my pleasure to encounter in all of the years I’ve been meeting medical personnel, took the time today to show us exactly what they were talking about with the kidney measurement being wacky.  It is, indeed, wacky...you can easily see the difference between left and right, though the left (the problematic one) is just barely past the upper limit of normal.  Apparently this is one of the, if not the, most common weirdnesses to spot on an ultrasound and most times turns out to be nothing in the long run.  Strangely, this doesn’t perturb me at all, the idea that my baby might not be perfect (though I fear she may get an honest fear of doctors far too young if much need be done about this, and I naturally don’t want to see my baby in pain, though to some extent it is inevitable); frankly, at this juncture she could turn out to be the least perfect baby the world has ever seen and I wouldn’t give a damn.  She’s ours and I love her so much my heart breaks every time I feel her move.

I think Jay has scanned the pic from today.  It’s not very good...she said that the baby’s head is too far down now to get a good profile.  I told her that was ok, I’d survive without pics if it meant we were close to launching.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed for next week, personally. 

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