More Reruns
First…
Mahwidge Is What Bwings Us Toghethah Today
So on the third of January last year, I hurriedly put up this post to confirm what Deb had said in her original post, rerun here. I find it cool to go back and see the comments. Not rerunning that one, as it is not a post of substance except in what it confirms.
Then:
I’m back
On the seventh I posted about my arrival home, sans bride, and some more about the trip, wedding, and followup plans. Around this same time is when Sadie was working on getting herself established and making the cross country commute more exciting a few weeks later.
And Also That Day:
A Few Las Vegas Pictures
Views from our hotel room and of the outside of the hotel. Only a few of the bunch I took. They still look breathtaking to me.
And Now the Biggie, which I rerun completely here, though it is worth seeing the original (note that any links to Deb’s old blog are broken unless I’ve updated them to point to reruns at AV):
Jedi Wedding 04: A New Hope
I can’t begin to say how happy I am, and how lacking in hope I was before a couple months ago. I’m married! To a beautiful woman who adores me and sees me as the most wonderful guy in the world, as much an antidote to past hurts for her as she is for me.
It all started with blogging. In a sense, it started around March or April, when I was still new and Deb first noticed and was intrigued by me. I first noticed her blog sometime after she moved to Blogmosis, as far as I can recall. The big thing I remember is she went straight from new discovery to one of my favorites immediately. Before long (on July 6, to be exact), I read her About page and commented that, alas, I was too old for her. She replied that she should have said “likes older men” there, which made me go “hmmmmm...” Indeed, I might have wondered more about “I appreciate the compliment more than you would probably suspect” had I been thinking straight. One of her concepts on her about page was the “house test.” Could she bear to share a house with someone? The answer for me was yes before we ever met in person. That still astounds me she knew without meeting, but as far as we can tell, it’s absolutely true. All that time together in her apartment and hotels, and hours on end in the car, left us dying to live in the same house and happy with the idea of driving across the country together.
A couple times I commented on her blog, and she e-mailed me in reply, but I was a slacker about e-mailing back. Finally, on October 3rd, in response to a funny comment I left, she e-mailed me with a subject of “fan mail,” and said: “One of these days I’m going to provoke you into answering when I send you a silly little note. 
”
That got a reply from me, naturally, and could be considered the real beginning of things. Still, there was October 15th, when she appreciated that I was the only one who really seemed to “get” what she was saying - ironically - about marriage. Finally, there was the foot post on October 20th. Wow! My reaction to it was far more inexplicably visceral and intense than the comment “Ooooh, yummy feetses!” could capture. Or for that matter the “…inspiringly purty feet” comment subsequently. That to me was the big milestone.
That started some “virtual flirting.” We’ve exchanged somewhere over 1000 e-mails since then. Our first AIM chat was 4.5 hours. Our first phone call was 8 hours, and it is seldom we have talked for less than 2 hours at a time since then. By the end of October, the plans for my visit at the end of the year were underway, and we were discussing marriage in Vegas, her moving here, and so forth. The phone thing is funny, as getting me to talk on the phone these days is like pulling teeth.
I have never been so anti-nervous with anyone in my life. It was like meeting a new best friend and simply hitting it off in a “shared brain” way. It’s uncanny how we agree on most things, think of the same things at the same times or say things in unison, and can finish each other’s sentences or answer each other’s questions before the other one finishes asking. For instance, “Is it just me, or did they…” “Yup.” *Funny look* “If you’re asking did the wedding chapel people treat us extra nice, then ‘yes’.” We both had the impression that the wedding chapel people thought we were particularly cute and genuine, and so were especially nice to us rather than doing the rote in and out get ‘em hitched thing.
Almost everything that comes up we either agree on or can live with the difference easily; usually the former. She likes my puns and jokes! Now that is compatibility.
The sense of rightness and complete lack of nervousness was amazing for me. There was no doubt or nervousness, ever. I am all about nervousness, to the point where I almost never dated because of what it does to me. Between already “knowing” each other, a little boldness by Deb, and the comfortable nature of online communications, that helped get it going. But there was more than that. It was as if we’d always known each other in lifetimes without measure.
It wasn’t falling in love. It was finally discovering the whereabouts someone we’d loved forever and saying “oh, there you are! You’ve been hiding on the opposite coast.” Nothing like making it difficult, being separated by a continent and thirteen years.
This alacrity is not as strange as it sounds. Her parents, who are way cool, were married three weeks after they met, more than 33 years ago. I told my mother not to be surprised if there was no “real wedding” and I simply turned up married. Despite she and seemingly everyone but me having been irked at my younger brother for going to a JP and letting people know after the fact, she was totally cool with that. I learned that she and my father had done similar. Someone they knew was getting married at the Methodist church in Bryantville, so they borrowed the church and minister immediately afterward, and had just them and two friends for witnesses. I never knew that my parents didn’t care for having a big wedding. That, as with most things, is something Deb and I found a remarkable degree of agreement on.
Another indicator how fast the whole thing went is by her birthday on November 5th I was more than ready to send a present. That took the form of a wireless keyboard and mouse for her laptop, so typing wouldn’t hurt her. That was quite a nice surprise. I forget if it was that shipment or the next, but I also sent her a stack of print pictures. That was a big hit. After Thanksgiving, I sent another box. This one had goodies, gifts for her and her parents and, at the bottom of the box, the famous warm socks. I didn’t mean it to be the most romantic thing ever. It was more a joke about her moving to my cold climate. It just shows you never know, guys, if the context it right. Of course, she was thoughtful too, surprising me touching cards and notes in the mail a number of times.
The frustrating thing was she in Fresno and I in Massachusetts. When and how would we meet? I fairly quickly noticed the confluence of holidays at the end of the year and the fact those are surrounded by slow days for my big client. We looked at flights and timing. The marriage was better taking place in 2004, a new tax year, plus it fit the Star Wars episode numbering used in the title here. We’d originally planned for her to move to Massachusetts, which she declared the ideal scenario with no persuading by me, in June or July. Ha! It didn’t take long to know we’d never last all that time. Our phone bills sure wouldn’t take it. During a mere three weeks of separation, we are averaging at least two hours a day on the phone, plus several e-mails.
We settled on the flight that left on Christmas and returned on the 6th because it was over $100 lower than tickets for 12/26 - 1/5 we’d originally considered. That left me minimal coverage needed at the office. So by the time a month had passed, I had the flight booked, the move planned, and had put my search for a better apartment that would become ours into high gear.
We chose 1-2-4 chosen as a wedding date because it’s a neat number combination. Almost nobody on my side knew it, and one of the people I did tell freaked enough to cement my silence. It’s hard to convey how certain it’s the right thing I was. Deb told her family, which helped nudge her brother into planning a wedding to his girlfriend near the same time as ours.
I flew to LAX on American, then on an American Eagle flight to Fresno. At the Fresno airport, I came walking down the hall, saw her, grinned (as Deb put it, “I know you!"), made a beeline in her direction, shared a perfect hug and off we went. If there was any uncertainty at all, the moment we met in person ended it. We’ve had a wonderful week or so together, some of which I have posted about here. That included going to Monterey to meet Ith and Nin, which we highly recommend. They are amazingly cool people.
What Deb said about the relationship is exactly right. She’s my best friend, soulmate, lover, missing piece of the incomplete puzzle that is me. I feel lucky and amazed every day.
The wedding day itself was funny. We drove for 7 hours to get to Vegas, after getting our usual early start. Traffic sucked big time in places, if not nearly so much as it did for people heading the other way. The Strip is a sight to behold. Now that I have, there’ll be no particular need ever to return there again. Then again, the hotel is awfully nice, and the view from our window was wonderful.
I always say if it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done. We seem to do a lot of that. After looking at rings online for weeks, including unique titanium ones, we ended up at a jewlery store, Rogers, in a mall, just before closing the night before the wedding. We got matching, white gold bands that are nothing fancy, but are still gorgeous. Even if they do scratch easily. She didn’t want a diamond. Just as well, given my budget. Mine is wider than hers, as befits my size, and mine is 12 1/2 to her 6, but color and style match perfectly, just as we do. Despite the last minute, we had a perfect experience buying them. We both liked the sales guy so much of course we weren’t going to check any other stores. He was funny, personable, and treated us just the same as a customer making a fancy purchase worth thousands. Plus he was cute, or so she tells me. To avoid forgetting them, they got packed in the laptop bag. Thus they’d either get here with us, or we’d be even more seriously bumming.
After arriving in Vegas, we checked into the hotel and resisted the urge to collapse. Drove down the strip attempting to find Third Street at the opposite end. Managed to get confused after bearing left onto Fourth, but found Third anyway, and finally the marriage bureau for our license. Busy place! Luckily we beat the huge line.
If you ever do this, beware. Outside the marriage bureau lurk a pack of saleswolves on the sidewalk, accosting couples as they go into and out of the building to get their licenses. They represent some of the various local wedding chapels, and thrust their offers at you mercilesssly. Pick me! Pick me! We had planned simply to go to the nearby courthouse and get a civil marriage, rather than do a chapel.
The smart saleswolf got us on the other side of the road from the main pack, as we got out of Deb’s truck. He was a great guy, personable, well presented, not pushy in a subtle way that set him apart, and his chapel was closest. We managed to get past them on the way in for the license, but man, they tore into our susceptible flesh when we walked out with the marriage license. I have about five info packets with offers I kept for posterity. It was a riot.
We ended up going with the original one, Vegas Wedding Chapel, which was as good a deal and nice a place as any. We gave the minister $50 instead of the recommended $15 - $30 because he was so great. We either hit a real nerve with them, or they do their jobs well there. They thought the way we met was cool.
I managed to start crying during the ceremony, while Deb stayed stoic. I seem to keep getting all emotional and doing that. Then there’s all the giggling we both did! There may or may not be any pictures. One of the guys takes a roll and sends the film off with you. Unless you pay a huge amount extra for digital. One service they provide that’s great is to get you your official marriage certificate in about a week, rather than waiting up to four months for it. Things like that add to the cost, so be aware you will inevitably not spend the low, base amount the chapel you use officially offers. You could, but it’s unlikely, and it is their job to make money by selling other services and goods. The certificate is worth it, as Deb has to use it to change her name on things in this few weeks before moving. As much as possible, anyway.
We had no idea at the time that Britney Spears was in Vegas, several hours behind us in her joke wedding publicity fling. No, it was not the same chapel. No, we didn’t see her. It does add a funny dimension to our own timing and story for posterity.
I already wrote of our first meal after we married, which was a variety of items from Nathan’s Famous on the food court of the Luxor, followed by ice cream. Mmmm… ice cream! Rather amusing first meal, but it was late and we were there for getting married, no frills, no other reason to be in Vegas. Besides playing the ring toss at Circus Circus, of course. We have both been duly yelled at by people we know at work for failing to take in the more costly culinary delights of the city. Heh.
We had a wonderful drive back to Fresno, with a scenic detour to Utah for lunch. On Monday the 5th her brother married a wonderful woman in a courthouse ceremony. It ended up being less simple than planned. While they married, Deb and I picked up their cake, took it to her grandmother’s, and helped setup for the reception there. It was fun, meeting the extended in-laws and getting to know Deb’s grandmother. It felt a little like having our own reception, but with the focus neatly on someone else. There might be pictures of us from that day, eventually. Deb’s other brother’s girlfriend, who is perfect and should not be allowed to escape, is into photography. Other people took many pictures too, including of us. Naturally I forgot my camera.
The next day I had to leave. That was unbelievably difficult! I surprised Deb by calling her after I landed in LAX. She wouldn’t have expected to hear from me until the next day, or maybe late that night, except e-mail updates from my phone. It’s the little things sometimes guys.
That’s the basic story. It arose from our blogging and being on the same wavelength on most things. It arose from Deb being just assertive enough with her nagging interest in me to get my attention and then ramp it up to self-sustaining levels.
I find myself having to explain what a blog is over and over when telling people how we met online, when I don’t simply leave it at “we met online because we both run fairly popular web sites, read each other and started talking.” Meeting online is right on the threshhold of being considered completely normal rather than odd. The reaction still depends on the person hearing the news, but most people think about how you can really learn plenty about each other ahead of time this way, and go in more certain. It also meant, for us, falling in love with an amazing mind and intriguing personality to such a degree that looks wouldn’t have mattered. Not that I mind being considered “cute” or “handsome,” and not that I mind her being beautiful, almost pixy-like when her glasses are off, but we were predisposed toward each other regardless.
I highly recommend meeting people online. I recommend being open to meeting people through blogging, if you are a single blogger. Who knows, you could meet the love of your life.
It really works!
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And The Rest…
Wedding pictures from the actual ceremony in Vegas, at our rebel attire, family (and associated stress) free event.
A better picture from the fifth, at the wedding reception of Deb’s brother and his wife, pictured on the left.
A closeup of us at the same event.
There you have it; a nice retrospective. Memories for those who were following along at the time, and something fun to see for those who are new here.
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