Prenatally Incorrect

This deal with the low-carb coke got me to thinking that there’s a fertile market for such a thing in a caffeine-free version.  Paranoid pregnant ladies would snap it up like the last Cadbury Creme Egg of the season.

Mmmmm, Cadbury Creme Eggs.

Anyway, one of the things I was only slightly shocked by upon learning that I was, indeed, expecting was the voluminous list of things that one is supposed to avoid, upon pain of guilt if the child gets in trouble in kindergarten.  (Yes, that sentence does make sense, because the current fad is to blame ADD on consumption of food additives during pregnancy.  Take a wild guess what I think of that explanation.  I dare you.) More accurately, and less amusingly, these lists are handed to you with a sheepish look and a just-in-case disclaimer, leaving you to assume that if your pregnancy or your child is less than more than perfect, it is somehow, in some way, your fault.  It is no longer sufficient to quit smoking and drinking.  You are now subject to a ticket from the pregnancy police for drinking a diet cola, being in a restaurant where other people are smoking, or eating a candy bar.  Granted that none of these things are 100% healthy behaviors, but I’d love to see someone actually make it through 12 months without doing one of those things--and the actual list is a lot longer than that.

(12 months, by the way, is the minimum, because you’re supposed to stop the imperfect eating habits and exposure to unapproved substances at least 3 months prior to conceiving.  This guideline only applies to those who have tragically lost their breasts and therefore have an actual valid excuse for failing to breastfeed.  Breastfeeding mothers, add an additional six months to two years.)

(No, I’m not peeved off at all about all of this nonsense.  Why do you ask?)

My midwife gave me a book at my first visit, which includes, of course, more than one such list of things that must be avoided.  For example, here’s a partial list of food additives that are not allowed:

All artificial colorings

All artificial flavorings

All artificial sweeteners

BHA and BHT (found in potato chips, cereals, and chewing gum) (ironically, the book recommends chips for morning sickness in another chapter)

Caffeine

>...and many others that I’m too lazy to spell out but which also place off-limits bacon, dried fruit, and grape juice, among other things

Luckily, they cite the source of the list, and it turns out that these are the recommendations of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, which has very little to do with science or the public interest.  That reassures me that my common sense is functioning just fine, thank you.

There is no way on earth that hundreds of commonly available food products are hurting babies such that one needs to completely avoid them during pregnancy.  If there were any real evidence of harm, these things would have been harassed off the market years ago. 

This isn’t about protecting babies.  It’s about promoting a politically correct lifestyle using a mother’s terror of harming her unborn child as a lever. 

Frankly, I think that’s disgusting.

Think I’m overreacting?  Here’s another list of things to be avoided, from the same book:

All aerosols

Cleaning substances

Tap water, if it hasn’t been tested

Colored glossy newspaper inserts and magazines (for lead content)

Hair dryers

Microwaves

...do you really want me to go on?  Bumper to bumper traffic, tunnels, parking garages...

You get the picture.

There’s a line between being healthy and being insane, and I firmly believe that this sort of agenda-driven scaremongering causes more problems than it solves.  The stress level it induces alone has got to be unhealthy.  As for myself, I did quit smoking, and I’ll admit that I’ve cut down on my consumption of caffeine, and I’m trying to sneak more healthy foods into my diet in the place of some of the garbage I was eating before.  I refuse, however, to live for my entire pregnancy cowering in fear or choking myself with guilt for not being crunchy-granola mom of the year.  I’m aiming for moderation, and I take all of these wacky bits of advice with a big grain of salt.  (Salt is ok at the moment, you know. *grin*)

So I’m going to go have a diet Pepsi and a peanut butter sandwich (highly allergenic, you know) and go enjoy what’s left of the afternoon.  I might even open the window a crack while the folks down the street are burning brush, though I’m not sure having to wait for the smell to leave the house again is worth the fresh air.  In any case, now you know why my husband (who is in total agreement with me on these things, by the way, and who was beyond wonderful during the six weeks it took me to quit smoking entirely) looked over at me one evening with a big grin on his face and said, “You know what you are?  You’re prenatally incorrect!”

Do I really need to say “and proud of it!”?

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