Monday, June 06, 2005
Not fat, classic.
But, the more I think about it, the more I think perhaps my own attitude about myself might have been the real attractor...not necessarily my plentiful curves.
Once upon a time, when I was at my highest.weight.ever. (which has since been surpassed by 20 pounds or so...thank you, Sadie), I was on the beach in Pensacola one Saturday and I was getting hit on. In my swimsuit! And you know what? I didn’t think anything of it, because I knew exactly how hot I was. And I’m sure that’s what made me so.
Come to think of it, I was hip deep in men that summer. I was insanely confident, insanely happy, and maybe just generally a little bit insane. I was 100 percent healthy girl, and I was pretty sure that I could conquer the world, and I couldn’t stop flirting any more than I could stop breathing. I had far more male attention than I should have known what to do with, while maintaining a weight that gave my doc the vapors every time I saw her.
I was happy with myself. And happy with oneself is the sexiest thing in the world.
I have been really neurotic about my weight since Sadie was born. I think I’ve figured out some of why that is, though it’s not something I want to talk about here at the moment. I am really ready to put an end to it, though. I’m tired of hating myself for having what I think of as a mommy-body. I mean...does it get any sexier than that? Really?
Anyway, Pammy’s and Junebugg’s posts were just balm for my soul today. I needed the reminder that it’s not what it is, it’s how you feel about it. The best part is that you get to choose how you feel.
And I feel beautiful.